Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY!

Late Night Snark: Now, Where Were We? Edition

“After 43 days, President Trump signed a bill to end the longest government shutdown in history. The deal only lasts for two months, so there may be another shutdown in January. Open… Close… Open… Close… We’re basically the Toys ‘R Us of governments.”

—Jimmy Fallon

“Uh, ladies and gentlemen, the Trump train is experiencing a slight delay. There is an Epstein file on the tracks. We should be moving as soon as we get that cleared.

—The Daily Show’s Josh Johnson

“Democrats on the House Oversight Committee gave The New York Times a taste of what’s hopefully to come, including emails from Epstein in which he alleged that Trump knew of his conduct with underage girls. Wow. What a shocking, shocking revelation. This is like that moment in The Sixth Sense when Bruce Willis appears onscreen and you’re like, Oh, I get it. He’s the guy on the poster.”

—Stephen Colbert

“Jeffrey Epstein said Trump ‘knew about the girls.’ Even worse, in the same email he says ‘Trump has no idea how magnets work.'”

—Seth Meyers

“Trump lashed out at air traffic controllers who stayed home because they’re not getting paid. He wrote: ‘I am not happy with you. If you want to leave service on the near future, please do not hesitate to do so, with NO payment or severance of any kind.’  We would also like to extend that offer to you, Mr. President.”

—Jimmy Kimmel

“Zohran Mamdani was elected mayor of New York City, despite his opponent Andrew Cuomo receiving endorsements from Donald Trump and Eric Adams. Which is like trying to bring a girl home by saying, ‘Not to brag, but I have Hepatitis B and C.”

—Colin Jost, SNL

“I’m very comfortable with where I am in life. My wife is from old crypto.”

—Kevin Nealon on the Conan O’Brien Needs A Friend podcast

And now, our feature presentation…

Cheers and Jeers for Friday, November 14, 2025

Note: Secretary of War Pete Hegseth orders Navy to increase size of U.S. amphibious force by adding wheels to aircraft carriers. Film at 11.

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By the Numbers:

Days ’til Thanksgiving: 13

Days ’til the Cheese and Meat Artisan Food Festival in Portland, Oregon: 8

Number of people in the Chicago area scooped up by ICE goons whose release has been ordered by a federal judge: 615

Percent of hosts of the top 592 podcasts who are male: 66%

Percent of them who are white: 79%

Date on which the last batch of pennies was struck at the Philadelphia Mint: 11/12/25

Year the Mint started production of pennies: 1793

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Woozles go on the record…

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CHEERS to the new kid in the House. With the 43-day government shutdown finally un-shutdowned, Speaker Mike Johnson had no choice but to ditch his porn apps for a moment and swear in his newest House member. So what do we know about Adelita Grijalva, Democrat from Arizona? Well, I can tell you she’s a Democrat and she’s from Arizona. For the rest, we take you live to Wikipedia Land:

»  Born 1970 in Tucson during the godless Nixon years

»  Graduated in 1995 from the University of Arizona with a B.A. in political science

»  Youngest woman ever elected to the Tucson Unified School District Governing Board, on which she served for 20 years

»  Elected to the Pima County Board of Supervisors in 2020, focusing on affordable housing, education, climate, water resiliency, and healthy and safe communities.

»  Won election in September to replace her father, the late Raul Grijalva, to a seat in the House representing Arizona‘s 7^th District

»  Lives in Tucson with her librarian husband Sol Gómez, and three children

Her first act after being sworn in, but before roasting Johnson on the House floor: signing the discharge petition to force a House vote on releasing the Epstein sex-trafficking files. A good start. But before we throw her a parade, let’s see how she votes on Trump’s next impeachment.

CHEERS to terrible, horrible, no-good news. We can rail against our own party over the shutdown cave all we want, but the fact remains that the other side is watching their hopes and dreams of fascist supremacy collapse in a pile of broken promises, incompetence, and jaw-dropping cruelty. I mean, fer godsakes, when you’ve lost that Rasmussen outfit…

The lead pollster of the conservative Rasmussen organization predicted that Republicans would continue to underperform throughout the midterm elections because President Donald Trump failed to deliver on his campaign promises.

During a Thursday interview with Steve Bannon, pollster Mark Mitchell said, “Republicans are going to lose because they don’t understand politics. People under 50 don’t really care about conservatism,” he explained. “The problem is that all these values have basically failed America.” […]

“The numbers are just absolutely abysmal. So something like the music finally stopped is basically where we’re at. And you have the Republican Party that’s just like, well, you know, they’ll be fine just voting for us because nobody likes socialism. Well, we’re getting to the point where people are considering socialism.”

The lesson they seem to never learn: when you FA, you FO.

CHEERS to TIME.  During this week 27 years ago, in 1998, the magazine provided lengthy coverage of the spectacular implosion and resignation of House Speaker Newt Gingrich.  Margaret Carlson sums up that blissful week:

Friday was the day he died a Washington death, stripping himself of power and becoming in that instant just a guy in a suburban tract house in Marietta, Ga., carrying out the trash.

We all should have seen his resignation coming when, on Tuesday night, he came out swinging at the media, blaming them for his party’s shellacking. With Nixonian petulance, he rejected suggestions that his party tanked because he had put all its eggs in Monica’s basket. Well, the media charge is laughably bogus.  Yet what else is there to do but grasp at scapegoats when, in the blink of an eye, the discussion moves from “Can Clinton Survive?” to whether you can?

And today isn’t a federal holiday because…???

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to home where the buffalo roam. Happy Birthday this week to Oklahoma! The “Hey, that state looks like a skillet!” state officially nabbed the 46th star on the flag 118 years ago. Fun facts: the state animal is the buffalo, the state insect is the honey bee, and the state flower is the Oklahoma rose, which is quite lovely:

Also: the state dinosaur is the Acrocanthosaurus atokensis, and the state rock is “rose barite,” which you’ll find in the greatest abundance between Senator Markwayne Mullin’s ears. (Hey, you go for the easy layups where you can get ‘em.)

CHEERS to home vegetation.  Ahhh…the airwaves are blessedly free of obnoxious political ads, clearing the way for a weekend of blissful boob-tubage during which we’ll only have to contend with obnoxious drug ads. Tonight filmmakers Ken Burns and Sarah Botstein discuss their new documentary The American Revolution with Margaret Hoover on PBS’s Firing Line at 8:30. The doc, by the way, premieres Sunday night on PBS, and we’re hoping they don’t gloss over the dramatic day in 1783 when the airport at Yorktown was liberated by General George Washington and his trusty sidekick Colonel Lee Greenwood. Also tonight: a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us! at 8 on the CW. Everything else on TV tonight is either murder shows or college football.

The most popular movies and streamers are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. (The unnecessary reboot of The Running Man tops the list.) The NHL schedule is here, the NBA schedule is here, and the NFL schedule is here. Glen Powell hosts SNL.

Sunday on 60 Minutes: yet another report on “the dangers of AI” and a profile of a sport called—I shit you not—“chess boxing.”  Bart runs against Mayor Quimby’s son for student council president on The Simpsons. And then enjoy your fill of John Oliver one last time this year during the season finale of HBO’s Last Week Tonight Sunday night at 11.

Now here’s your Sunday morning lineup:

This Week: Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT); Rep. Thomas Massie (Fascist-KY); Director of destroying the White House National Economic Council Kevin Hassett; filmmaker Ken Burns.

Meet the Press: TBA.

Face the Nation: Senator Jeanne Shaheen (D-NH).

CNN’s State of the Union: CNN goes full batshit with Rahm Emanuel, Marjorie Taylor-Greene, Scott Jennings and Dr. Oz.

Fox Fascism Sunday: Porn app specialist Mike Johnson (Fascist-LA); Senator Rick Scott (Fascisssssst-FL); Reps. Riley Moore (Fascist-WV) and Ami Bera (D-CA).

Happy viewing!

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Ten years ago in C&J: November 14, 2015

CHEERS to Kibbitzing in the corncrib.  Hillary, Bernie, and Martin O’Malley took to the stage for a debate at Drake University in Des Moines, Iowa. On the agenda: corn syrup, corn oil, corn fritters, corn on the cob, cornpone, corn bread, corn dogs, corn cakes, corn dust, cornball, corn futures, Cornish game hen, cornmeal, creamed corn, candy corn, children of the corn, Paris, Wall Street, the minimum wage, is Kylo Ren really Luke Skywalker, and racial inequality. To keep things equal, we used the same drinking game from last week’s Republican debate, which required us to take a swig every time we heard an idea that sounded workable, cost-effective and good for America.  For some strange reason this time we ended up on the floor rotten stinking drunk.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to cleansing your cosmic soul.  Cast your eyes heavenward late this weekend and you might see some wowee-zowee fireworks in the sky. The Leonid meteor shower—which happens every time Earth plays footsies with Comet Tempel-Tuttle and its debris field—is entering its most Leonidinicious period Sunday night:

The Leonids are a modest shower producing up to approximately 15 meteors per hour. …  The best time to look for the Leonids will be late on the night of Nov. 16 until dawn on Nov. 17.

The Leonids are considered some of the fastest meteors, zipping through the sky at 44 miles per second, according to NASA. They can also result in impressive fireballs producing long, bright and colorful meteor streaks.

You don’t need any telescopes or binoculars as the secret to a good meteor viewing experience is to take in as much sky as possible. Make sure to allow about 30 minutes for your eyes to adjust to the dark.

As I like to say, everyone loves watching meteor showers because they’re beautiful, unite Americans in a common activity, and make lots of people happy and curious about the universe and the wonders of science.  Which explains why the White House plans to introduce a constitutional amendment banning all future meteor showers.

Have a great weekend. Floor’s open…What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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